DUI: Defending under the influence
by ButterflysHurricane
Summary: Turning up for trial hungover is one thing, but to turn up drunk? PWxME delicious smut. M for second chapter.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was originally written for the PW Kink meme on Live Journal. I am quite proud of it and have only just remembered that I can post it here. Now all I need is a name.

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uDUI: Defending under the influence/u

uBy butterflieshurricane/u

His head pounded, his mouth was dry, his eyes were bloodshot and all he wanted to do was drink a gallon of water and go back to bed. Too bad court was in session that morning. Edgeworth closed his eyes and sighed. iI suppose it could be worst/i he thought as he opened his eyes. iI could still be drunk like that buffoon over there./i

The buffoon and drinking partner from the previous night was swaying slightly as he held the evidence list at arm's length and was squinting. Surely Wright couldn't actually read it, not in his state. He closed his eyes again and collected his thoughts. iSurely us two being here in this state would constitute a mistrial./i

How was Wright still drunk? Did he keep drinking at home? Had he even been to bed? Edgeworth began to suspect the suit Wright was wearing was the same one as the previous 

night. He groaned softly as another sharp pain shot through his front lobe. If prayed that Wright would behaved himself, then maybe no one would notice.

"I object to the evidence list!" Edgeworth opened his eyes in time to see Phoenix toss the file to one side. It landed next to Maya, who just stared at Wright like he had lost his mind. Edgeworth felt a laugh bubble up and could barely conceal it. Maybe he wasn't as sober as he thought.

Maya's glance over at him was one of help and accusation. All Edgeworth could do was shrug and pretend to be busy with his own files. He could hardly remember which he needed for what, but it seemed that his notes were just as hard to read as his opponents.

As the judge called the session, Edgeworth thought that his head was going to explode with every hit of the gavel. Also a feeling as nausea swept through his gullet but he managed to swallow it down.

"Are the prosecution and the defence ready?" The judge asked, banging his gavel with more gusto than ever.

"Yes." Edgeworth growled, looking down at his bench. iPlease don't let them see how rough I look./i

"Yeah baby!" Wright called out, looking pleased with himself. Edgeworth tried to act like he had not heard anything strange but couldn't help the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. The judge looked confused but decided to move along, thankfully.

"We will begin today with the prosecutions opening statement." The judge nodded sagely.

Ah. Edgeworth had forgotten that he would have to actually do some work and not just be able to stand there feeling sorry for his aching head. He cleared his throat and shuffled his papers before looking up and taking a deep breath.

"It is the goal of the prosecution..." he began then realised that he had forgotten what the case actually was. His eyes widened in terror as he realised it was exactly like all the nightmares he had had. At least he wasn't naked like in his dreams.

"Yes Mr. Edgeworth?" The judge asked, looking expectant. After a few moments silence, Edgeworth began again.

"It is our goal to... find the defendant guilty?" He finished lamely as he tried to find the file with the case details discreetly. Did he even know his witnesses first name?

"Objection!" Wright called out, pointing his finger at the other man. Edgeworth started and shot a look at his rival. Maya was also staring at Wright, shocked at his increasingly bizarre behaviour.

"The defence has an objection... to the prosecutions opening statement?" The judge asked again. Even Edgeworth could understand the confusion but prepared himself for the worst. A drunk Phoenix Wright was a loud and talkative Phoenix Wright.

"No. I object to his face, why is he so handsome? I believe that is the real crime here today!" He called out, his arm drooping but still pointing towards the other side of the court.

Maya was now tugging on his sleeve and demanding for him to keep quiet. Phoenix just snorted and shook his head.

"Also, there should be a law against having an arse that good. I demand that his arse testify to the court about its crime!" He finished the statement with a wink and a leer at the prosecution. Edgeworth was doing all he could to not laugh. He mentally awarded himself with a gold medal for managing not to even smirk, though it was making his head pound ever worst.

"And is the defence going to cross examine my arse?" He asked, with only the smallest smirk showing through. All eyes fell on him, maybe for going along with the Wrights crazed babblings. He didn't care, he was amused by Wrights face lighting up.

"I need to examine it closely and not with my face, if you know what I mean?" Wright said as he descended into giggles.

The entire court went into an almighty uproar as both lawyers lost themselves in laughter. Edgeworth lost his battle to keep a straight face and was slumped on his bench, howling with laughter. In the back of his mind, he was dismayed at the discovery that he really was still a bit tipsy.

The banging of the gavel was lost in the cacophony of noise and hysterics. Before he knew it, they were all being escorted out of the courtroom by bailiffs and dumped in the defence lobby.

Phoenix was slumped over Maya's shoulders as he continued to giggle. She was scolding him for is behaviour, but it was falling on deaf ears. Edgeworth's shoulders here shaking as he held his head in one hand and continued to laugh, mainly at Wrights laughing, which set the other man off even more.

The judge came barging into the lobby, gavel still in hand.

"Court is suspended for today, you idiots had better sort yourselves out by tomorrow or you're both going to end up in jail." He commanded with an authority rarely seen.

"Yes your honour." Edgeworth replied, regaining some dignity and sobriety at the judge's presence but was still smiling stupidly.

"Yeah Edgeworth. Jail isn't very nice. Don't worry, you can be my bitch." Wright said pointing at the prosecutor. He looked even rougher as he swung off of Maya. Miles snorted. The judge shook his head and pointed at the door.

"Whatever. You're as manly as the décor of Trés Bien." Edgeworth shot back, hitting him over the head with his file.

"Don't come crying to me when you drop the soap and Gant turns up for a cross examination."

"Get out of my courthouse." He bellowed, almost throwing the gavel at the two men, who were already meandering down the hall, still howling with laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: And here's the second half, seeing as it was well received on the kink meme.

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After being thrown out of court and 'commiserating' the failure of the first day of the trial over a beer or five, they caught a taxi back to Wrights place. After a few desperate minutes of molestation against the front door, Miles' convinced the other man to let them in. No sooner than the door was closed, he had been dragged to the bedroom and was now in his current position.

Miles found himself shoved roughly onto Phoenix's bed and promptly sat upon by the other man. Wright leaned over him, his jacket thrown across the room and was now draped over an upturned lamp. He swayed on the spot as he tried to undo his belt, but seemed to be stuck, now that he was just aimlessly tugging at his belt.

"I'm stuck. I'll never get my pants off. I'll never have sex again." He said as he let go of the belt and leaned forward to plant a rough and wet kiss on Edgeworth's nose. "Poor Edgy. Doomed to be a virgin for the rest of his frilly life."

"I will have you know that I am not a virgin. I went to boarding school after all." Miles said as he began his own attempt at ridding Phoenix of the belt.

The other man started to kiss his jaw line and neck as the belt was finally freed and the trousers were unbuttoned. Phoenix's face lit up as he scrambled up and tried to take off all his clothes. He gave up on his trousers when one leg wouldn't come free and left his shirt on. He and climbed back onto Edgeworth none too elegantly and began to remove the wine red trousers and suit jacket.

"Besides, you retard, you did me yesterday morning." Miles replied as he sat up and pulled Phoenix close.

"Oh yeah, I cross examined that fine piece of arse all over the shower!" Miles brutally pressed his lips against Phoenix's and pulled the other man on top of him in the dirtiest, sloppiest kiss he had ever had. Phoenix began to grind his groin against Miles still clothed cock and buried his hands in Miles hair.

They broke the kiss and began to frantically groping each other. The heavy panting and rocking of the two bodies on the bed filled the quiet room and surely next door as well. They were both hard and drunk and the musky smell of his partner went to Miles' head and he groaned louder than ever. His vest and shirt were unbuttoned but no attempt to remove them was made.

"Are you ready to testify? I'm gonna push hard for a contradiction! Yeah baby!" Phoenix shouted as he pulled the Miles' trousers off and threw them away. He positioned himself 

between the gorgeous thighs of Miles as the prone man laughed between the breathy moans escaping from his throat.

Edgeworth reached onto the nightstand and took one of the condoms thrown on the side. He ripped it open and began to roll it down the other mans shaft. He stroked the sheathed cock a couple of times before laying back and pulling Phoenix over him.

"You... you're going to have to present some evidence... some hard evidence... if you're up to it." Miles moaned as the desperate frotting continued. Even through the haze of alcohol and the cheesy lines and giggling, they both knew it was probably going to be the hottest sex anyone had ever had.

"I got your evidence right here. Now, let's here you scream that testimony." Phoenix muttered as he slapped Miles' arse and pressed his dick against the warm crevice. Miles moaned as the member pushed forward and filled him. The uncomfortable ache was dulled by the alcohol and he began panting and begging for Phoenix to begin.

"I'mma screw you harder that Gant screwed Meekins." Phoenix declared, roaring with laughter and throwing his head back, slowing up the thrusts.

"What is your obsession with Gant raping people?" Miles shouted over the laughing. His breathing was already laboured and he didn't enjoy the fact that Phoenix had stopped thrusting.

"He's a sex machine. And evil sex machine, and he won't work for nobody but you." Phoenix slurred as he leaned down to kiss Miles.

"That's a love machine dolt."

"I'm the love machine, I make Edgeworth's come. Factory standard!" Both of them descended into guffaws and snorting and completely forgot about sex for a couple of minutes.

"C'mon then love machine, or am I going to have to return you as faulty goods?"

Phoenix complied with enthusiasm and began to pump into the other man, jerking out and lunging forward with no grace at all. The large hard member filled Miles' up and he felt like he could come at that very second.

"Why won't the bed stop spinning!" Phoenix shouted as his arm buckled and he fell forward, head butting his partners chest. He managed to right himself and continue thrusting into Miles.

"Shut up before I penalise... penalise you for wasting... ah... wasting court time." Miles ground out as he grinded against Phoenix. The frantic rocking quickened and soon Phoenix was slamming against Miles.

"I'mma gonna make you scream for a guilty verdict, bitch." Phoenix shouted again, laughing as he continued to rock. The moans that ripped forth from Miles' throat turned into groans that matched Phoenix's in volume.

"You couldn't even get an acquittal." He breathed against Phoenix's cheek as he arched off the bad for better penetration. Phoenix went in deeper and gasped as he continued to pump away inside his lover.

"Plead guilty!"

"Make me!"

The orgasm that followed racked Miles' body as he groaned the word 'Guilty' into Phoenix's mouth. He felt the other mans strokes become erratic and thrust a few more times before he came inside him, pushing forward with each release. He finally collapsed onto Miles as he slide out of the warm gap.

They both lay there, breathing heavy. Miles could not get rid of the stupid grin on his face as he lay there.

"Factory standard. Comes complete with afterglow." Phoenix mumbled before giggling again. He shifted so that he sat next to Miles. He managed to remove his trousers and underwear from his leg and his still half buttoned shirt.

"How was that for a cross examination eh? Mr Prosecutor?" Phoenix asked as he swayed slightly before collapsing next to Edgeworth and throwing an arm over him.

"The prosecution rests, Mr Defence Attorney."

End


End file.
